Participating

Church can be difficult at the moment. With a one-year-old who likes to squirm, screech, thunder around, climb the pews and harass other children, sometimes there aren't enough books or raisins in the world (let alone my bag) to keep him calm enough for me to focus. We have to compromise a little. Sometimes I can't listen fully to the readings or the sermon because I have to take him out and calm him down. Sometimes I can't kneel throughout the Eucharistic prayer as I'd like because he needs my attention. Sometimes I can't concentrate and pray because I have to help him read his book.

Even without a toddler to deal with, it can be hard to participate fully. Everyone has things on their mind, worries and distractions that can take the mind off in another direction. Sometimes we can't share in the sacrament for the knowledge that there is sin in our lives. Even though I know that I have no choice but to continue looking after my son, even when I am at Mass, it can make me feel inadequate.

But there is one moment that I know I can participate in fully, even from the back of church chasing Jem around, even when I should have gone to confession, even when I've lost concentration during the prayers, even when I've already forgotten what the sermon was about.

Kneeling, the congregation repeats the words said by a centurion beseeching Christ to heal his servant:

"Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof," and we continue "but only say the word, and my soul shall be healed."

Thus, we make a final act of contrition before receiving Christ in the bread and wine, we acknowledge not only our unworthiness, but Christ's love and mercy. They are words for the sinner. 

We do not go to Mass because we deserve the sacraments. We do not approach Jesus perfect. We turn to him, and beg him to approach us. Sinners.

I once wrote a couple of lines about this: 

How can I stand here before you? - a sinner

Yet it is us whom you call - sinners all